after Vega v. Tekoh, in which the Supreme Court decided “an individual who
is denied Miranda warnings and whose compelled statements are introduced against
them in a criminal trial cannot sue the police officer who violated their rights, even
where a criminal jury finds them not guilty of any crime.” (June 23, 2022)
You have the right to remain silent as we pummel you. Anything you say can
(if you can still speak) will be of no consequence as our body cams don’t
work. You have the right to be terrified, and if you are not terrified yet, we
will keep on with our questions.
You have the right to remember, but stay silent. Anything you say can (and
will) be denied by us in a court of law. We have the right to think Elvis
Presley is still alive, and you cannot afford to contradict us.
You have the right to remain in the silent majority. Anything you say can
(and will) be used against you at a lawn party. You have no rights as you can
see by the presence of our attack dog, and if you cannot afford your own
attack dog, tough shit.
Your rights remain to be seen. Anything you say can (and will) be used
against you if you don’t curtsey to us right now. You have the right to give
us presents, and if you cannot afford presents, we will take whatever cash
you have.
You have the right to sing to us any song in the public domain. Anything
you sing can (and will) surely make us laugh. You have no right to backup
singers, and if you cannot afford a guitar, serenade us acapella.